Why can't an elephant ever be on the radio? Answer: He would break it.
Jokes like that won't ever make it into Jay Leno's monologue on "The Tonight Show." But the host of America's most watched late-night TV program has written hundreds of similar zingers for the latest generation of class clowns and future comics.
They're all in his new book, "How to be the Funniest Kid in the Whole Wide World (or Just in Your Class)," published by Simon & Schuster, with proceeds benefiting families of police officers killed in the line of duty.
Leno said he finds that many youngsters are natural performers who lack good material or an outlet to develop their talents.
"Luckily, when I was a kid,
Ritalin hadn't been invented yet," Leno joked in a recent interview with Reuters.
"I kind of wrote this book for all the kids who really couldn't throw a ball," he said. "In schools nowadays, with all the programs being cut, unless you're doing sports, there's very few ways for kids to express themselves."
His book consists mostly of pun-heavy one-liners composed with comedy partner and "Tonight Show" head writer Joe Medeiros.
"We put our two 4-year-old minds together and came up with some jokes that 8-year-olds would like," Leno said.
Other features include witticisms from fellow comedians, such as the Woody Allen line: "When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room." There also are musings from historical figures, like Daniel Boone saying: "I've never been lost but I will admit to being confused for several weeks."
The book opens with a brief introduction chronicling Leno's comic roots and is sprinkled with tips on how kids can develop the craft of joke-telling for themselves.
Leno said during his childhood in Massachusetts the closest he came to show business were the motivational talks his father gave to other salesmen at his insurance company.
Leno still remembers the landmark first big laugh he got as an up-and-coming classroom cut-up. It came during a lesson on Robin Hood when he asked his teacher if she knew why Friar Tuck was boiled in oil: "Because he was a friar. Get it? ... fry-er."
Leno said he actually has no idea how Friar Tuck was killed "or even if he was killed. But the joke worked and that was all that mattered to me."
A more defining moment came in high school when Leno and a pal won $150 in an employee talent show sponsored by the McDonald's fast-food chain.
"That was the first glimmer that I could make money telling jokes," he wrote.
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